


Childhood Guilt

by blue_the_blue_raspblue1



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 2: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Good Severus Snape, Guilt, Harry Potter & Severus Snape Friendship, Harry Potter - Freeform, Implied Child Abuse, Implied Physical Abuse, Kid Fic, No Spoilers, One Shot, POV Harry Potter, Random & Short, Severitus, Severus - Freeform, Severus Snape - Freeform, Severus Snape Adopts Harry Potter, Severus Snape Has a Heart, dad severus, harry - Freeform, implied PTSD, implied character abuse, implied emotional abuse, money guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 22:08:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15495717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_the_blue_raspblue1/pseuds/blue_the_blue_raspblue1
Summary: Harry is going back for his second year at Hogwarts, but finds he can't get over his guilt for his adoptive father Severus.





	Childhood Guilt

Harry had been adopted by Severus Snape when they found out what kind of things went on at the Dursley’s before the boy came to Hogwarts, and to be honest, after eleven years of hell, the boy was ready for 8 years of peace, quiet, and not hurting so bad he couldn’t walk or sit right. Of course there were a few bumps along the way, a few concerning the boy sneaking out at night with his friends, sneaking food from the table to make the same habitual food reserve in case the man chose to change his mind and stop feeding Harry, getting bad marks on his work when he could easily have gotten much higher out of pure habit, and the occasional panic attacks and bad dreams. One thing Harry realized really quickly after his first year was that school fees were expensive, and after looking at a few bank statements that belonged to his father, the professors at Hogwarts did not get paid very much for the amount of work they did. Harry felt incredibly sick when he saw how much his fees were for resources, and also a brand new wardrobe that fit his small body.   
So when the second year came around, his dad handed him a bag of galleons, sickles, and knuts for his school fees when he accompanied the Weasley’s to Diagon alley. He just set this in his bag, and kept it hidden, making the entirely too easy decision not to use any of his adoptive father’s money, and just withdrew what he needed from his own Vault at Gringotts. The books this year ended up being twice as much as the year previous because the prat teaching DADA made them buy a set of his books on top of the rest of their other school needs. He had to buy new robes and shoes this year because he had gone through a pretty major growth spurt over the past year. Needless to say he had to make a second trip back to Gringotts to get more money for the rest of the school items he needed, and never once did he even think about taking the money from his bag to use, he was not going to be that expensive for his new father, not after being so damn expensive and burdensome for the Dursleys. Ever since he had seen the bank statement of his father - who wasn’t broke, but certainly wasn’t doing so hot monetarily - his resolve not to let his father pay for him was rock solid.   
He came back home after finishing up the shopping and set his overly full bag on his bed, looking around his room at all the assets he felt were too much. The bed was huge (at least compared to what he used to have) and was certainly too much, and the same could be said for the bookshelf and massive desk the man had gotten for him specifically to have for summer reading and school assignments. He fished out all of his new items, setting them to the side on his shelf and desk, and hanging up his new clothes. He pulled out the bag of money, wondering how he was going to get it back to his father without him noticing. He would have to make another trip to Gringotts and put it in his father’s vault at some point this summer without the man finding out. His father constantly reassured him that he was the parent, and that he was supposed to buy these things because he was taking care of his child and he was a responsibility he wanted to take on, expenses included and everything. Harry felt nauseous at the thought that even with the ridiculous amount his father had given him, he had to spend almost twice that this year, his dad couldn’t know. He put the bag in his locked desk drawer alongside his photo album, wand, and cloak until he could go to Gringotts again.   
He grabbed one of the first books for DADA his new school year, reading it, and finding that half way through, the book was absolutely rubbish, but it was for school so he just tried to blow through the 5 galleon 200 page pile of burning shit in one sitting. He was on some of the final pages when his dad knocked and asked to enter. Harry silently, but in a hurry, moved the extra books his father didn’t know about, and closed the closet door before sitting back down and telling him he could enter. His father walked in with narrowed eyes and an eyebrow raised  
“What were you doing before I came in here?” Harry sighed to show he was very bored before answering nonchalantly.  
“I was reading a book for the new school year, it’s pretty boring though.” His dad didn’t seem to buy it for more than a few seconds, but dropped it, figuring that if the child were hiding something, he would eventually tell him if he were very bothered by it.   
“Well, dinner is in about half an hour, I hope you still have an appetite and didn’t eat too many sweets while you were out.” Harry snickered at his father, and shook his head  
“I don’t eat as many sweets as you seem to believe I do. I’ll be down in a little bit, yeah?” His dad let a small smile place on his face before nodding and leaving the room with a quiet click. Harry waited for the footsteps to disappear, and checked under his door to make sure the man wasn’t standing outside it, before letting out a breath. He was very good at lying, he didn’t like to lie, but when it came to things like this, he conditioning from the Dursley’s taught him very well how to lie believably. Of course with his dad being as good as he was with detecting lies in children, he doubted he got away with much, so he got into the habit of not lying unless it was absolutely necessary because his father wouldn’t push him into telling unless it was affecting how Harry behaved and lived and felt. He finished his book quickly, setting it with the others and went to dinner.   
Dinner was always a relatively quiet affair because it was about 8 at night, and this is what his father coined as their ‘wind down time’ before they had a nightly tea and headed to be. They didn’t have much food on the table and they frequently had leftovers for lunch during the summer - yet another thing he felt bad for, he felt like his dad was spending too much on him for meals, even if it was extra from a previous meal. He dished a little of everything, less than he usually ever did, and ate slowly. Harry ate slowly, finding his stomach too uneasy to even eat what was on his plate, everything was so expensive - no - He was too expensive. His dad wasn’t poor, but Harry couldn’t help but see it as the man was spending too much on him, even if he did claim it all to be necessities. He jumped from his stupor of thought and pushing his food around when his dad set his silverware down with a soft ‘clink’.  
“Harry, what’s going on.” Harry set his fork down too, and shrugged. “Verbal answer please.” Harry bit his lip and brought his hands to his lap   
“Nothing’s wrong sir, I promise.”  
“Harry, you know that isn’t true. Do you feel sick?” Harry shook his head no. “You weren’t behaving like this before you left-” It clicked in the man’s head, and he sighed “Is this about money again?” Harry shrugged and looked at his twisting fingers. “Harry, you know that-”  
“I know I’m your responsibility and your supposed to pay for me because you wanted me, expenses and all, and that you aren’t hurting for money right now, and that you want to pay for my school things because your my father, I know.”  
“So why are you behaving like you’ve gotten a slap on the knuckles? What happened in Diagon Alley.” His father was staring at him with his lecture face on, obviously suspicious of the boy. Harry couldn’t look at his father anymore, and just shrugged again. “Young man, answer me now please.” Harry took a deep steadying breath before speaking   
“The-”  
“Look me in the eyes please.” Harry looked up and found himself blinking a lot more than usual trying to keep from stuttering and to keep the tears at bay.  
“My school expenses were twice as much as last years were and I had to buy a new wardrobe because I don’t fit anymore in my old clothes…” Harry was shaking by the end of the confession and his father came over to crouch beside the boy. Harry flinched away when a gentle hand was set upon his own to stop him from picking at his fingers.   
“I don’t understand the problem Harry, I sent enough to cover more than twice the expenses in case anything happens, You should have been fine. So what happened to get you so worked up like this?” Harry held his father’s cold hand in his two smaller ones, shrugging again much to the chagrin to his father, but that was when his father also finally understood what was wrong.  
“Harry, where is the money.” His voice sounded so disappointed and it hurt Harry to hear. He got down from his chair, and walked up the stairs with their hands still connected. He opened his drawer and got out the sack of money, and handed it to him. The man counted it all out.  
“Not a single sickle, knut, or galleon was spent. Did you even get any of your school supplies? Any of your clothes?” Harry nodded grabbing all his books, and opening his closet. “Why didn’t you use what I provided you with child? Don’t you understand that the money in your vault is for leisure spending? You’re not supposed to purchase your own items, you’re supposed to buy too much candy, and books you like, and brooms, and those silly purple shoes you wanted last year. I’m your parent Harry. I’m supposed to pay for you. I want to pay for you.” He put down the bag on his desk, and crouched beside the child to look in his eyes. By this time Harry couldn’t even hide the tears rolling down his cheeks, couldn’t shrug, all he could muster was a sobbed out   
“But I’m not worth it! I’m not supposed to cost this much, you don’t make enough to pay for me! You already have to feed me, and house me, and keep me!” He was pulled into the man’s arms as he sobbed, and somehow they ended up on the floor, his father cradling him close to his chest with a gentle hand carding through the boy’s hair. Once the boy had calmed enough he spoke gently.  
“Harry, let me explain this to you, and I want you to listen very closely, ok? I’m not ‘keeping’ you, I’m raising you. You aren’t an animal, you are my child who I love very much, and paying for you isn’t that bad. Never say you aren’t worth it ever again, because you are worth every sickle in my pocket. I have a very well set up budget so we can live comfortably, and so that I can properly save for all the things you need in life and then some. It’s true I don’t make that much, but I wouldn’t have brought you into my home if I couldn’t afford it. I adopted you because I wanted to, and because I can afford to raise you in sufficient living conditions. If I couldn’t afford it, we would stay at Hogwarts over the summer, not here in Spinners End. I promise that you are worth everything I have, and you deserve so much in this life, don’t ever doubt that Harry. You’re my child, and I love you so much.” Harry nodded as he sobbed, but for once, after all was said and done, he realized the man wasn’t just saying it to placate him, he meant every word.


End file.
